The Heart Chakra
The week before my website launch, I had something happen to me that had triggered flashbacks. Very intense flashbacks of my whole relationship with my husband.
I had spent 5 months now working on myself and my well-being. My mind, body and spirit. I have had therapy sessions, I have began to give my body some love by going to the gym, I’ve been focusing on activities I love to do. I’ve been journaling, I’ve been creating, I’ve been meditating.
However, I can do so much work and understanding, until a trigger pops up and challenges my work.
This was that trigger. I started to gain anxiety again. I started finding my mental state spiralling down. It was so so very hard for me to focus on being present. I was living in the past again, that grief and pain. Trying to consistently reign myself back to now.
For a few days, it felt like I was trying to snap my fingers in front of my mind like: ‘hellloooo Alaina you there?’
So the day of my website launch, I went to yoga in the morning. I showed up on my mat with the intention of leaving everything at the door and to find stillness and clarity. As class carried on, I still could not focus. The past was continuing to haunt my mind. I could not get these feelings away. Not to mention my breathing was all over the place.
At the end of the class, during Savasana or the ‘final rest’. The instructor had told us she was merely going to call out the 7 chakras and for us to just be aware of what we feel/see as she named them off one by one. The exercise was just to notice what is happening with us when she names off the chakra. Be aware.
So as she started:
Root Chakra, located at the base of the spine. Providing the foundation of what we build our life on - representing security, safety. Imbalanced chakra attributes to anxiety and fear.
I felt strong here. I felt a secure.
Sacral Chakra: located below the navel. It represents creative and sexual energies. Imbalanced could result in repressed creativity and withhold intimacy.
Well I just chuckled. I feel my creative side balancing out the chakra, my intimacy could use a little help but let's not get into it.
Solar Plexus: Located below the chest. Representing self-esteem, will-power, personal responsibilty. Imbalanced would result into control issues, manipulation, low- self-esteem.
I feel pretty confident lately. I feel alright here.
Heart Chakra: ouuuuch it hurts there. It really hurts, it’s actually painful. I can’t breathe, feels like I’m suffocating and tears then slowly shed down the sides of my face.
The Heart Chakra: located in the centre of our chest. Representing love, self-love, forgiveness, and governs relationships. Imbalanced attributes in depression, difficulty in relationships.
As she moves on, calling out the rest of the chakras. I’m still stuck in my heart.
Becoming aware of that awful pain, I realised I really needed to focus and heal it. I need to heal it.
I then felt a strong urge to forgive. I stayed there in the room after class. I had a few (or maybe more than a few) minutes of Alaina time to tune in and start to understand: all the work I’ve been doing for myself, on myself it was really really good. I am actually amazing. However, I was still carrying a very heavy negative energy with me. I now understood that this pain in my heart was a pain that wouldn’t go away unless I really took a moment to forgive and let go.
The Heart Chakra is a the unifying chakra. It brings together body and spirit. The Sanskrit name of the 4th Chakra is Anaharta which means ‘unhurt’, to be invincible. Hurt and pain causes this chakra to close up. Which is why I now know, why that crazy stab to the heart feeling happened when the instructor called it out and I was having some sort of drawback.
To this day, I still have a lot of work that has to be done to take me where I want to be. But this was a very valuable lesson for me to remember that sometimes, when we are finding it hard to be fully present, it might be a time we take a moment and listen to our body. Our body reacts a lot faster than our mind. Before we can mentally grasp an understanding on what is actually causing our emotional pain, it is our own physical form that is already reacting to it. We just need to tune in and listen.
Everything is intertwined, mind, body, and spirit. It all comes together. I have known this for awhile, but to an extent, and I am really excited to start to explore more into it.
Let me know if you have any thoughts or similar experiences. I would love to chat about it!
If you have been hurt, or heartbroken here are some powerful affirmations you could use:
I accept things as they are
All love resides within my heart
I am grateful for all the challenges that helped me to transform and open up to love.
I love the beauty of nature and the animal world. I forgive myself.
I nurture my inner child. I am wanted and love.