Finding Strength in Transition: My Journey Through Divorce, Motherhood, and New Beginnings

2020 was a year of profound change and transformation for me. It was the year I took the plunge to separate from my partner, marking the beginning of a new chapter in my life. The decision to divorce was not an easy one—it came with its own set of challenges, especially around finances and family dynamics. Being far away from my own family, who were back in California, only added to the complexity. I found myself periodically traveling back and forth from England to California, feeling torn between two worlds, and the isolation of it all was overwhelming.

To combat the loneliness, I decided to build my own community, RaeMoonRose, which became a beacon of light during this dark time. Through this community, I connected with incredible women and kindred spirits, both online and in the physical world. These connections became my lifeline, providing me with the emotional support I desperately needed.

During one of my trips back to California, I unexpectedly met someone special. It started as a mental and emotional connection, but over time, it blossomed into something much deeper. Despite the distance, our bond grew strong. Life, however, has a way of throwing unforeseen curveballs. As much as we were excited that our love had evolved into welcoming a new life into the world, the pregnancy was also unexpected and added a new layer of complexity to an already challenging situation.

Three years after the separation, my divorce was finalized, and I was ready to start anew. I wanted to return to the States, where I had found love and support. However, this decision wasn't just mine to make—it involved my children as well, which led us into the murky waters of child matters. The process was grueling and, at times, heartbreaking.

Juggling pregnancy, postpartum recovery, and child matters simultaneously pushed me to my limits. There were moments when I felt completely overwhelmed, yet it was also during this time that I discovered my inner strength. For every low point, there was a moment of pride in how far I had come and what I had endured. However, I often wished for more support—whether from friends, family, or even just someone who understood what I was going through. I felt isolated, retreating from social interactions, and found it hard to connect with anyone, even my closest family members. It was as if a dark cloud hung over me, and I struggled to see the light.

There were moments when my mental health was questioned, and even my ability to care for my children was scrutinized. It was a chaotic and confusing time. Despite these doubts from others, I held on to my belief in myself. I knew I was doing everything I could with what I had to keep my head above water, taking every step to care for my family and myself; I just needed some help along the way. Thankfully, a few good souls came into my life during this period, guiding me and helping me navigate the thin line I was walking.

With all the changes happening around us, our homeschooling journey also came to an end. The girls are now heading to school, a decision that was not made lightly but one that I believe is right for us at this moment. Homeschooling provided a strong foundation and built their confidence, preparing them for this new chapter. I am excited to see them grow and blossom in this new environment, discovering their own paths and creating their own worlds.

After much reflection, we’ve decided to stay in England for the time being. It seems as though there is a calling for us to be here right now, and I am learning to trust that instinct.

This summer, everything finally came to a head, and I felt a sense of resolution and peace wash over me. For the first time in a long while, I felt like I could breathe again. As my daughters embark on their new journey in school this year, I am filled with a mix of excitement and anticipation. We are stepping into a massive transitional phase, and while it comes with its own set of challenges, I am hopeful and optimistic about what the future holds.

This journey has been anything but easy, but I am grateful for the lessons learned and the strength I have found within myself. I am stepping into my new normal, ready to embrace all the new experiences that life has to offer. Here’s to new beginnings and the strength to face whatever comes next.